


touka's plans never work

by grosskaneki



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Desperation, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Omorashi, Pants wetting, Wetting, feedback appreciated!, hide is best bf, just put me out of my missouri, too much plot not enough porn, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 21:10:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6824287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grosskaneki/pseuds/grosskaneki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Touka is sick of Kaneki constantly visiting the bathroom to hide from social interaction at work, but in actuality he just has the world's tinest bladder and a slight coffee addiction. She makes a plan. It doesn't end well for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	touka's plans never work

**Author's Note:**

> anyway kaneki and hide are gay and yoriko and touka are gay Perfect
> 
> this ended up with. a lot more actual plot than i thought it would jesus

Touka was getting sick and tired of Kaneki Ken.

He was just so _earnest_. It was ridiculous, like he actually enjoyed his job or something. And, somehow at the same time, his social skills were abysmal. He always stuttered and fidgeted while talking to customers, he was overly apologetic, he messed up orders, he was way too sensitive to demanding patrons, and, to top it all off, he hid in the bathroom something like three times per six-hour shift. Touka in no way believed that he—or any person, for that matter—actually needed the bathroom that often, no matter how much coffee he drank, and it infuriated her that he couldn't just act and talk like a normal person.

She'd messed with him plenty in the past, and, at Hinami's insistence, had even tried being nice to him, but Kaneki had gotten on every last one of her nerves, and she'd run out of patience for him. Today, she had a plan. 

Since it was her responsibility to clean the bathroom, she carried a key to it, so first thing in the morning on a lazy, sleepy Tuesday, she made sure to arrive at Anteiku before Kaneki and lock the bathroom door. She tugged the handle, making sure it was latched, and grinned. Now, he'd be forced to interact with people instead of holing up in the bathroom every freaking hour to hide or cry or whatever it was he did.

The bells over the door jingled, signaling Kaneki's arrival, and Touka dropped her expression into her usual scowl, leaning against the wall and twirling her keychain around her finger.

He smiled good-naturedly—it was like he was actually happy to see her. "Touka-chan, you're—"

"Here early, yeah, yeah, I know. Get to it, it's your turn to wipe down the counters."

Nodding quickly, he sighed, picked up a rag from under the counter, and began the day's work. Besides the usual stressful repertoire of Touka snapping at him for using the wrong weight of beans for espressos and customers snapping at him for getting their orders wrong, the day was rather unusually slow, giving Kaneki the chance to make himself a comforting cup of coffee every once in a while.

Besides calming him down, the several cups of coffee he'd drank while on the job had a separate effect—they seemed to go straight to his bladder. Yes, it was childish, it was embarrassing, but he hadn't had the chance to visit a bathroom that morning, and the sudden twinge of urgency in his crotch couldn't be ignored. This was something he was almost used to by this point, but he still couldn't keep himself from squirming and bouncing uncomfortably as he delivered orders to customers. Kaneki slipped away at the first chance he got to relieve himself before the situation got out of hand (which had happened before, on busier days, but he didn't want to think about that possibility right now).

Tugging on the knob, he found it—of course—locked, though Kaneki assumed a more innocent reason as to why. "Someone in there..." he mumbled out loud to himself, finding this observation unusual; the café was practically deserted. Quickly noticing the death glare Touka was giving him, he bit back a whine, bouncing slightly on his heels, and returned to his work.

Needless to say, Kaneki found it difficult to focus on his job. More than once, he'd accidentally bumped into tables, which jolted his bladder in an painfully uncomfortable way. And all the while, he desperately wanted to grab at his crotch—embarrassing to think about, but it was _some_ form of relief from the pressure pooling rapidly deep in his stomach. Of course, he couldn't do that, though, so he resigned himself to constantly crossing and uncrossing his legs while he worked, bouncing all the while.

Apparently, he'd been more obvious about his need than he intended. Without warning, Touka pulled Kaneki aside by grabbing his apron, oblivious to the amount of effort Kaneki had to put in to not losing control right then and there.

"What's wrong with you?" she snapped, staring him down. "Focus on what you're doing, halfass. What's got you so distracted that you can't do your job?"

"Uh—" 

He opened his mouth, then closed it again. It was pathetic. He was so intimidated by this girl who was _two years younger_ than him that he couldn't just spit out that he had to fucking piss, _now_ or he was going to lose it—

"I—I just—I could use a break."

Kaneki wanted to snap his own neck.

Touka's pout only deepened further. "You've only been working for two hours, you—you daffodil! Pull yourself together," she snapped, before turning on her heel to attend to a new customer.

"...Daffodil?" he muttered to himself, squirming nervously.

Shaking himself, he pressed his legs together tightly to keep his urge under control. His break was in thirty minutes. Kaneki could hold it in that long, couldn't he? He was an adult, dammit. He could control himself.

A pang of desperation hit him like a truck, and he found himself questioning those statements as he doubled over, crossing his legs tightly and trembling uncontrollably while stifling desperate moans. He fought the urge to shove his hands between his legs until he felt his underwear dampen slightly and he had no choice but to stop himself from leaking any way he could—including acting like a preschooler, apparently.

He had to go so _fucking bad_ , but...he was in public, and he had his job to do. Biting his lip, he forced his hands out from between his thighs, tapping his foot incessantly. _Just a little longer,_ he told himself. _I just have to hold it in a little longer._ Steadying himself, he returned to his work. The bathroom would be empty soon, he reasoned—he was completely abandoning waiting for his break—so Kaneki just had to hold it until whoever was in there left.

No less than five minutes later, he had yet again found himself to be weaker than he gave himself credit for. He'd excused himself from his work in favor of leaning against the wall near the bathroom as soon as a lull in activity gave him a chance. A incidental well-placed elbow from a customer had made him suddenly extremely glad for the apron he was wearing that went down to his ankles, and, more importantly, hid his pants from view. He'd leaked so much that he could feel warm wetness between his thighs and dripping slowly down his legs, and he was absolutely certain there was a stain, but his need hadn't really been relieved at all. If anything, it'd gotten worse. His bladder was achingly full by this point, the pressure stubbornly pushing its way out; he had to alternate between fidgeting constantly, crossing, uncrossing, and pressing his legs together, and going completely rigid while trembling uncontrollably. As subtly as he could, he gripped his crotch over his apron. Waves of desperation were hitting him like a dam had been broken, and he was putting every ounce of his mental energy into holding back what felt like the entire goddamn ocean contained in his bladder.

Just thinking about oceans and dams and rushing water made him shiver, bite his lip, and nearly double over.

The bathroom door hadn't opened yet—it'd been almost twenty minutes, which struck him as a little ridiculous—but Kaneki was done. He had to _go_. He had to go right now, and if he didn't get to a restroom within the next three or four minutes—well. He didn't want to think about that right now. The only thing that mattered to him at the moment was relieving himself as soon as possible.

Touka. Touka had the bathroom key. He'd get her to unlock the bathroom for him; someone had probably just locked it on accident— _accident_ —ugh, he couldn't think about that word right now either. Pulling his hands out from between his legs with a great deal of effort, Kaneki got her attention as subtly and quickly as possible.

Putting down the mug she'd been drying, Touka strolled over to where Kaneki stood outside the bathroom. "What is it? Does this have something to do with you not working for the past ten minutes?"

"Er, Tou— T-Touka-chan—" shit, he couldn't _talk_ , he was nearing his limit— "I-I really need to use the bathroom, a-and I don't think th-there's anyone i-in there, so..." He muttered a swear under his breath as he leaked a little more, droplets trickling slowly down his legs, and braced himself against the wall. "Could you, u-um— d-do you think you could u-unlock it—"

"This is your excuse now, halfass?" Touka placed a hand on her hip, nowhere near reaching for the keys in the pocket of her apron.

"Wha—"

"I'm not an idiot, shitty Kaneki." She gestured to his desperate squirming and bouncing in disgust. "You clearly don't really have to piss, so stop acting so dramatic. Nobody has that pathetic of a bladder. You just want to go be all antisocial and hide away and shit, don't you? I locked the door for a reason. You need to _work_. We aren't paying you to be a recluse."

He withheld a snarky comment along the lines of 'well, you aren't paying me at all', the reason being that even if he'd had the guts to say it, his mouth likely wouldn't form the words correctly in his desperate state. And he had a more... _pressing_ matter to attend to at the moment, anyway. As it was, he could only choke out, "N-no, that isn't— T-Touka-chan, I r-really need to—!" Another spurt leaked out, and he doubled over, shaking and grabbing his crotch over his apron, almost against his own will. Spurting more, he whined—actually _whined_ —and desperately whimpered, "I-I have to _go_ , Touka-chan, I— I'm gonna have a-an accident, _please!_ " 

It was so humiliating, holding himself like a child right there in front of Touka, reduced to begging for relief and admitting how close he was to soaking his clothes, but it was his only option—he could feel his aching, overfull bladder giving out, desperate for release. He was spurting and leaking so much and the apron was getting wet and he just couldn't hold it anymore. He couldn't. He had to go so fucking bad. He was going to lose it. He was—

— _shit._

"...Pl- _please_ ," Kaneki begged, as, despite his best efforts, he lost control of his bladder and began to wet himself, urine streaming uncontrollably down his legs and soaking his uniform.

Something like guilt shot through Touka as she saw the front of Kaneki's apron darken and tears well up in his eyes, and she quickly fumbled for the keys and opened the bathroom door with a curt "Go". 

Kaneki dashed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him, but it was far too little, too late. He was already pissing himself like a kid, and, to add insult to injury, standing right in front of the toilet as he wet himself. His legs shook as wet warmth streamed down them, flooding his apron and dripping onto the floor, puddling at his feet. His pants had already been uncomfortably damp from how much he'd been leaking earlier, but now he was soaking himself completely. Kaneki felt like crying, he was so humiliated, and cry he did, tears rolling down his face as his bladder involuntarily emptied itself in his pants. But, despite the embarrassment of the situation, the sheer relief that he felt was so much that a soft and strained, yet pleasured moan slipped through his lips as he finally, _finally_ relieved himself of the fullness in his bladder. The feeling of release was indescribable—almost like the height of an orgasm, though he'd never admit it to himself, much less to anyone else. He was blushing harder than he could ever remember, and he couldn't even tell if it was from embarrassment or from something _else_ —but he immediately discarded _that_ possibility, disgusted at himself that he'd even considered it. The idea of being—of being _turned on_ by something like this...that was embarrassing and gross in and of itself.

Then it was over, and Kaneki was left trembling and sniffling and standing in a puddle of his own mess.

He assessed his situation. He was soaked in his own piss and shaking with sobs. In the state he was at the moment, Kaneki _really_ didn't want to confront Touka—he'd start crying all over again. He shuffled over to the door, droplets still uncomfortably trickling down his legs, and locked himself in the bathroom. It had to be around his break by now, anyway. He just needed some time to compose himself. And, by 'compose himself', he apparently meant 'curl up on the toilet seat, cry, and weigh the pros and cons of a swift death at that exact moment in time'.

Outside the bathroom, Touka sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of her nose as she heard the lock click. She knew that anything she said likely wouldn't get him out of the bathroom—she'd never been good at dealing with people like that. Well, besides Yoriko, who sometimes got teary over TV dramas and commercials about abandoned animals, but Yoriko was _Yoriko_ , and Touka knew how to comfort her and was comfortable talking to her. But Kaneki—he was a different story.

That train of thought lead her to an idea: If she knew how to comfort her girlfriend, then surely Kaneki's boyfriend—his name was Nagashika or something?—would know how to comfort him. Glancing over at Irimi to confirm that she could handle the café's three patrons, Touka entered the break room to retrieve Kaneki's phone. It was a flip phone—she couldn't believe he still had one of those ancient things—so she flipped it open, unfettered by needing a password to unlock it. After struggling for a minute with the menu, she managed to navigate to the contacts. She flipped through the numbers listed until she reached the one labeled with Hide's name, noting that it was a little depressing that his only contacts seemed to be the emergency number, his professors, and Hide.

He answered the call with a cheery " _Yo, Kaneki!_ " that almost startled Touka.

"It's Touka," she mumbled flatly.

The way Hide's voice changed from bubbly and cheerful to cool and even was almost frightening. " _Touka-chan? Where's Kaneki? Is something wrong?_ "

"Er— well." How was she going to answer that question without freaking him out? "He's fine, but, uhh...he's locked in the bathroom crying right now, and I don't want to make it worse, so I thought you could...y'know. Coax him out."

Hide was silent for a moment before asking, " _What happened? What did you do this time?_ " His tone was teasing, but it had an edge of something like _you better not have hurt him_ in it.

"He, uhh. Pissed himself." Touka rubbed her temple with her free hand. God, this was awkward.

She could hear him sigh on the other end, but he didn't seem annoyed or exasperated, just concerned. " _Ahh, poor Kaneki... Is he alright? Was the bathroom out of order or something?_ "

"Well, uh, that's the thing." Touka swallowed nervously. "I sorta...locked him out." Hearing Hide start to protest on the other end, she quickly interjected, "I-it's not my fault! I didn't know! I thought he was just being all melodramatic and trying to get out of work and shit!"

" _Touka-chan, are you serious._ "

"...Yes."

" _I'm headed over right now._ " He was fumbling around with something while he spoke. " _He needs to know that wasn't his fault. Don't do that again, okay? I get not wanting him to skip work, but Kaneki wouldn't do that. He's not that much of a wallflower._ "

"Yeah, yeah—"

" _And don't tease him about stuff like that,_ " Hide interrupted, his tone serious. " _He gets really embarrassed. It might not seem like it to you, but he's had it kinda rough with...that sort of thing before._ " He abruptly stopped, changing the subject before he betrayed Kaneki's privacy, and finished, his voice a little sunnier, " _Be nice to him, 'kay, Touka-chan? I'll be there in five minutes, tops._ "

Hide kept his word, and the little bells above the door jingled to signal his arrival no less than four minutes and thirty seconds after he'd hung up. He passed Touka, sticking his tongue out at her jokingly (she responded with a significantly ruder hand gesture) before walking to the back and knocking gently on the bathroom door. "Kaneki? You in here?"

He could hear him flinch. "Hi-Hide?" There was a short silence, then Kaneki got up and gingerly unlocked the door, peeking out at him with his body hidden, his face burning red and streaked with tears. "Y-you don't have to come in.... Actually, don't. It's— I just— I, um, I h-had an accident... I couldn't—"

"I know, Kaneki. Touka told me. It's alright."

"...Oh." Kaneki's face reddened further, and he pressed his lips together in a thin line.

"She's the one who called me here, actually. She feels bad about—about what happened. What she did."

"What _she_ did?" Kaneki asked, incredulous. "Hide, I'm the one who—"

"Kaneki, honey, no," Hide sighed, his voice patient, gentle. "None of this was your fault."

Seeing his wide-eyed, confused expression, Hide sighed. "Can I come in? I think you'd be less—less, ah, exposed, if we talked in there."

Kaneki gave a short nod of compliance, moving aside to let Hide in before shutting and locking the door behind him to make sure they wouldn't be interrupted. He looked—well, he looked like a wreck. Kaneki had done as well a job as he could with cleaning up the puddle he'd made with thin paper towels, but his clothes were a different story. He was practically soaked from the hips down. The humiliation at being seen in such a state struck him all at once, and before he knew it, Kaneki was tearing up again, his face flushing further.

As soon as he took note of his discomfort, Hide fluttered dotingly over to him, gently rubbing his tears away and humming comfortingly until they stopped springing up. "Ka- _ne_ -ki..." He drew out the name in that soothing, melodic way he reserved only for his boyfriend, tracing comforting circles on his back and murmuring reassuringly, "Honey, it's okay, you couldn't help it, shh..." His voice held notes of sympathy and gentle warmth—nothing like a mocking tone was remotely audible.

Kaneki, for his part, felt sort of pathetic, but he accepted Hide's kindness, albeit less eagerly than if his clothes hadn't currently been damp with his own urine. 

"It isn't your fault, okay? Touka shouldn't have locked the bathroom."

"But—Hide—" He balled up the soiled apron in his fists, holding it in front of him. "I-I drank—all this coffee—I mean, I was sorta anxious this morning, but I shouldn't have—and this apron, i-it doesn't even belong to me, it's the café's, a-and I ruined it," he stuttered, unsure as to why he felt compelled to argue against himself.

"They have more aprons, right?" Hide reasoned, giving a sunny, reassuring smile. "You can always wash it. And you don't have to apologize for getting anxious, either. If drinking coffee helps your anxiety, then drink all the coffee you want, and I'll fight whoever tells you you can't. No buts!" he interrupted Kaneki as he started to protest. "No buts except yours coming with me to get cleaned up and comfy, 'kay? I bet Touka-chan will let you, no questions asked. You know her—she's not big on verbal apologies, but she really does feel bad."

What Hide said made sense and his goofiness erased much of Kaneki's embarrassment, but there was still one problem. He looked down at himself. "I'm still...um." 

Hide followed his gaze to his stained apron. Of course—he didn't want the customers to see as they left. He shrugged his duck yellow jacket off his shoulders and smartly tied it around Kaneki's waist. "That should hide it. The apron's black, anyway. You can't see anything if you aren't looking for it, I swear." Kaneki nodded, his cheeks still dusted with pink, and clasped his hands in front of him nervously. He did look cute, Hide had to admit, all flustered and embarrassed (but much more comfortable and happy than earlier, which made him even cuter).

Kaneki gave a small, appreciative smile as Hide squeezed his shoulder, the gesture gentle and reassuring, and took his hand, unlocking the door.

**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU CAME HERE LOOKING FOR GOOD PISS FICS I AM SO SORRY
> 
> please comment i have to feed my family somehow


End file.
